One of my greatest fears is that I won’t be the role model that my daughter deserves. This isn’t new. I felt at 21 weeks pregnant in the moment the ultrasound technician said, “It’s a girl!”
I have a mother who couldn’t have done it better. She would be quick to tell you that she was far from perfect, but that is exactly the mother I need. I needed to see that perfection isn’t what motherhood is about. Motherhood is a messy love like a pot of pork ragu that simmers for an entire day. Not made of any special ingreidents, but the preparation creates the ultimate richness and a splattery mess all over your stove.
Isolation is a powerful state. The idea of being separated from others makes most of us uncomfortable. It isn’t just physically being alone, it is the experience of loneliness. Frieda Fromm-Reichmann wrote a ground-breaking essay in the 1950s in which she talks about a topic that at the time was largely overlooked. She distinguished “real loneliness” from mourning, since the well-adjusted eventually get over that, and from depression, which may be a symptom of loneliness but is rarely the cause. Loneliness, she said is the want of intimacy. Isn’t it true, don’t we all need closeness and to feel cozy?
#5 – A thriving mother accepts and maybe even prides herself on her vulnerabilities
Vul-ner-a-ble – adjective
Definition: susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm
Synonyms: helpless, defenseless, powerless, impotent, weak, susceptible
Umm… remember two weekends ago when I went to Boston for the Warrior Mom Conference? (Yeah, yeah. I haven’t stopped talking about it how could anybody forget?) Well this past Sunday was basically The Day of Ruth. I was hosting a yoga and breathing class for the mom’s group I belong to. This conflicted with my husband’s annual family reunion. God bless my husband when I started talking about how I would make it all work, he said, “How about you go to yoga and come home to a quiet house? I’ll take the kids to the family reunion. It will be fun.”
What does a thriving mother do?
#2 – She is willing to be Good Enough (and understand that mistakes are even important)
Okay, grab a pen and do something with me. Write down what it means to be a good mom to your child(ren).