My Kids Are the Best

You know what is worse than someone asking you when you are due when you aren’t? Your four year-old asking a stranger if there is a baby in her belly, when there clearly is not.

Saturday was the first really nice spring day we’ve had. We walked as a family to our neighborhood sandwich shop. It was empty on the patio and nice enough to dine al fresco, so we seized the opportunity. The kids asked to sit at a table by themselves. Sun shining on my face, it was the perfect day.

Shortly after getting situated two women joined us on the patio who appeared to have recently worked out. First words out of Littles’ mouth, “Do you have a baby in your belly?”

The birds stopped chirping. A rain cloud moved over our heads. Silence was unbearable.

This woman didn’t look close to pregnant and quickly confirmed that fact. I apologized profusely and tried to explain ¬†how Littles has a friend whose mom is expecting and normally weighs 87 pounds, but at 25 weeks pregnant appears to have recently eaten a cheeseburger… at least that is what I look like after eating a cheeseburger. I have the feeling that I’m speaking in tongues. If one is speaking in tongues, can one be simultaneously aware of such a phenomenon? Knowing that I’m not making any sense and talk of a pregnant 18 year-old Swedish bikini model is probably not helping the situation, I shut up.

The silence allows me to hear the birds chirping again. The sun peaks out from the rain cloud that is dissipating. Bigs pipes in, “Would it be a miracle if you had a baby in your belly like it would be for Mommy?”

And there, friends, you have my 2016 nomination for Mother of the Year.


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