Standing at my gate ready to board my flight, I panicked looking for my suit case. I turned in a slow circle as little black suit cases stared back at me. None of them were mine. I knew I had my bag when I went through TSA. Where would I have left it? My heart raced. My breath became shallow. Sweat was seeping out all of my pores.
Then I woke up. It was just a bad dream.
Monday morning arrived early. I was hustling to get to the airport to head to Boston. Weeks earlier I had departed our house at 4:00 a.m. for a 5:30 flight to Charlotte. Monday’s departure was a more reasonable 8:00 a.m. The difference between the two is both 2 hours of sleep and having to say good byes. Everybody was awake to see me off, which I consider both a treat and torture. My parents were with us to stay with the kids as my husband is also traveling this week.
There were hugs and more hugs. Breakfast
eating sharing. Exchanges of keys so that car seats would be left at home and not in the airport parking garage. It was all a shuffle. My sweet dad gave me my last hug as I headed out to the car. As I turned to walk out the door he called, “Do you want your suit case?” It was sitting behind him. I’d like to think that I would have thought about it before I left the driveway, but that is debatable.
It feels like the theme of June for me has been an inability to get my head out of my ass… like remembering to take my suit case for a three-day trip. Or the cell phone I nearly left in the cab. Or showing up for dinner a day early. Or worse forgetting about dinner. Do you ever get like this? Is it a thing with middle age? Is there something wrong with me? What’s the solution?
Boston ended up being a good trip. I was hyper vigilant about keeping track of my bag. Like setting a reminder to get it from the bellman before I went to the airport. (Who does that besides someone with dementia?) I also took a picture of my parking spot in the airport garage, because I just knew I would forget where I parked (to be fair my usual spot was closed for maintenance.)
The best part of Boston is that the sun-kissed my nose everyday. I squeezed in time to exercise each day that I was there. It felt good. The reel of things I need to remember stopped as I walked through the gardens. I just existed in that moment without anticipation or expectation. I felt calm in a way I haven’t… in all of June.
The experience has caused me to rethink priorities and how I can bring that calm back into my life more regularly. I’m not exactly sure how, but I think it will involve the sun kissing my nose every day that it shines. Easier said than done.
What are you doing to invite calm into your life?