I’ve been anxious this week. This isn’t the venue to lay all the whys out there, but I’m clear about the triggers for me. My mind has been racing with negative self talk. I’m trying to keep my inner voice at bay, because it keeps telling me I’m not enough. The angst has left me distracted at work, grumpy at home, a bit insomniac, a planner extrordinaire, and while nobody has confirmed it for me… not very pleasant to be around. Needless to say, I haven’t been my best.
Brene Brown in her book “The Gifts of Imperfection” talks about cultivating a resilient spirit. I’m working on it. My challenge is that I am recognizing the feelings more, but not entirely sure what to do with them or how to efficiently move past them. (Perhaps efficiency is what I desire and not the best course of action.) Hold on, I’d like to put on my pride board that I’m actually seeing the triggers and emotions that result! It’s not easy, but I’ll call it a win.
The book sits on my nightstand, so I picked it up to see if it had answers for me. I guess it is more of a suggestion called the Vowel Check: A E I O U Y.
A = Have I been Absent today? (However you define that.)
E = Have I Exercised today?
I = What have I done for myself today?
O = What have I done for Others today?
U = Am I holding on to Unexpressed emotions today?
Y = Yeah! What is something good that’s happened today?
So here it is…
A = About mid-day, I checked out at the office. I usually love to tackle my to do list, but I spent much of the afternoon justifying to myself that things could wait until tomorrow and moving them from the Wednesday list to the Thursday and Friday lists. Maybe it is the negative self talk in my head that made it difficult to attempt anything for fear of being a failure. Maybe it is my mind racing that makes it hard to concentrate.
E = No, but I should have. Tomorrow.
I = I’m sitting down and writing, which I find cleansing. Now that I’m thinking about it, I’m going to make myself a cup of tea to warm my insides too.
O = My husband is working late, so I got groceries, picked up the kids from school, played short order cook (what is wrong with me?), played games with them, read bedtime stories, and am currently
pretending hoping they are sleeping. Those are all tasks for others. What I did that I think really mattered was at work this morning in a conversation with my associate. I showed up and helped her remember that while a situation wasn’t going her way that it wasn’t about her worth, but a corporate system that is inflexible. I can’t fix her situation (and really wish I could), but I can be there with her.
U = I’d like to think no.
Y = I woke up to a deep blue sky. It clouded over while I was in the office, but the clouds blew through before dusk set in. The sun shining on my face made my day good.
I do have a resilient spirit, sometimes it just takes finding it amongst the muck. Maybe that is the lay person’s definition of resilient spirit.