To my beloved son:

Somewhere between last week and the past months, you transformed from a pre-schooler to a big kid. Vestiges of baby no longer exist. While I know you don’t believe you ever were small enough to fit in my belly, you were.  Somehow you fit perfectly there.  After you were born you wrapped neatly into my arms.  Tonight, you still place your head in the crook of my elbow while I read your favorite stories.  It’s not always going to be that way.  I’m placing my bet today that in less than seven years, you will be bigger than me.  That isn’t very long. 

For now, I’m going to relish everything that is five.  Your twinkling charm as you give the daily report of the best part of your day, which is always the time spent with me.  The intensity at which you play is amazing, whether it is building Lego sets, competing at sports, or wildly imagining how you are a superhero.  I love the zest you have for life.  I’m savoring each moment in which I can soothe whatever ails you, because it won’t last forever.  Nearly unthinkable, there will be a time that momma isn’t who you think of first.  Your unencumbered spirit allows you to do whatever you set your mind to.  I wish I could be more like you and pray that this will stay with you until you are 101, like your namesake.  When you host kitchen dance parties, that spirit fills me and allows me to forget that our neighbor may think my moves are less than smooth.

Someday when you are older we are going to have to discuss the lyrics of your favorite song, Nicki Minaj’s “Starships.”  Today, I’m going to interpret them in my own way.  You love to sing and are always belting out a tune.  Fortunately, you got your dad’s charisma and will be a karaoke sensation. Unfortunately, you got my musical talent.  (Sorry.)

Starships are meant to fly

You are a starship and my responsibility is to let you fly.  Out into a world that makes me a little scared and a lot crazy.  You are an astronaut of life, needing to explore and explain what you find on your own.  I’ll be with you, but not all the time anymore.  I will celebrate your discoveries (sometimes even more than you do, but I promise not to cheer embarrassingly loudly… all the time).  My hands will be there when you need to be picked up from stumbles.

Hands up and touch the sky

You are stretching and expanding what you know every day… growing even when you sleep.  As you reach into the sky, you will dream your dreams.  I can see your determination, intellect, and ability to woo will allow you to reach your chosen goals.  While I desperately want to keep you tucked in the crook of my arm, I’m a realist and know I will have to let you go beyond my comfort zone.

Can’t stop ’cause we’re so high

It is almost assured that you will hit escape velocity of childhood before I am ready.  The way the world is going, maybe even before you are ready.  I hope when you find yourself outside of my and your dad’s gravitational pull, you will remember our words and actions.  “I love you.  Even when…”  Nothing will ever change that, my sweet child.  Nothing.

Let’s do this one more time

Life is filled with mistakes, missteps, miscalculations, misunderstandings, and misinterpretations.  Lots of misses among the big hits.  I hate making any of them myself and hope I am teaching you to take them in stride, facing them head-on as opportunities to refine a better version of yourself.  God willing, I can bear to watch as you wrestle with challenges and remember that those moments are the ones in which you will continue to grow your heart, mind, and character.

Today, you are only five, but my reverence for the moment you head out into the world on your own guides my actions and condemns my over protective tendency. You gently remind me, even at five, that you are getting bigger and can do things on your own.  Keep gradually stretching for the sky, because you are a superstar.

Starships are meant to fly

Hands up and touch the sky

Let’s do this one last time

Can’t stop…


Your Momma

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